Social media giants Facebook will offer its users a new filter allowing them to block any ‘the boy did good’ posts from their timelines on Christmas Day this year, according to reports.
Every Christmas, thousands of women pretend to be shocked while posing for photographs with all the gifts they demanded from their partners before posting them on social media.
Images of the gifts, packaging and in some cases, receipts, are cropped, filtered and then sent into cyberspace with the sole intent of turning their followers green with envy.
CEO Mark Zuckerberg told us:
‘Now that Facebook is almost 20-years old and we absolutely despise everyone on our ‘friends’ list, we thought we’d make things a more tolerable by censoring what most of the bragging fuckers got for Christmas’.
‘The boy done good’ Facebook posts have become as synonymous with the modern Christmas as Schloer and people moaning about the ever decreasing size of Quality Street tins.
And failure to adhere to these materialistic demands will often result in the end of the relationship between the female and her beleaguered companion.
Joe McMelter from Belfast, recalls how his four-year relationship ended last Christmas when he failed to deliver a Jo Malone candle that his girlfriend had demanded.
He told us, ‘I spent months gathering together all the items on the list she made me. I just forgot that fucking candle’.
‘She went ballistic. It didn’t matter about all the other stuff I did remember’.
‘She didn’t even write ‘the boy did alright’ or anything. I just got dumped’.
Meanwhile, DFS have reported a 76% increase in long sofa sales as mothers compete to see who has bought their kids the most unnecessary expensive gifts this year.
Big Sandra from The Braniel told us:
‘It’s all-out war this year. I had to order a new sofa. I got our Riley a Mac Book Pro’.
‘You get a 3-year warranty with it which is handy because he’s only 6-months old and accidents will happen like’.
The Dundonald Liberation Army 