Dressing Gown-House Coat row ‘biggest threat’ to Good Friday Agreement

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A row over whether we should say ‘Dressing Gown’ or ‘Housecoat’ has been described as Northern Ireland’s biggest political crisis yet.

Secret talks between NI’s main political parties descended into farce when a slanging match broke out over the proper name for the loose fitting robe, worn by those who spend unusually long periods at home doing fuck all.

Unionist MLAs wanted the piece of clothing to be called a ‘Dressing Gown’.

‘I don’t wear one myself. My house is roasting with the wood pellets burning day and night’, said a Unionist source.

‘But as far as I’m aware the correct term for the robe is ‘Dressing Gown’. You wouldn’t call slippers bloody ‘House Shoes’, now would you?’.

Meanwhile, Sinn Fein were adamant the garment should be referred to as a ‘Housecoat’.

‘Only snobby bawsterds call it a ‘Dressing Gown’.

‘Next they’ll be callin’ shite roll ‘toilet paper’, fegs ‘cigarettes’ or gravy rings ‘donuts’. The only donuts up this neck of the woods are done in a stolen Vauxhall Astra outside Divis Flats’, she added.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson weighed into the debate in the hope of reaching an amicable solution.

‘In the interests of respect and equality, similar to Derry/Londonderry, they should call it a ‘House-Gown’.

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