Great Bog Roll Shortage of 2020 added to GCSE history syllabus

School children studying GCSE history are to learn about the 'Great Bog Roll Shortage of 2020' in a new syllabus unveiled today.  Pupils will study in depth the time when morons unnecessarily stock-piled shit paper during the early stages of the Coronavirus outbreak. They will have to show that they understand the reasons why people …

Belfast Zoo charged with animal cruelty after naming baby giraffe ‘Ballysally’

Belfast Zoo has been charged with a string of animal cruelty offences after they named a new-born giraffe 'Ballysally'.  Neja the giraffe gave birth to the herd's newest female Rothschild’s giraffe on 5th February. However, the fifth-time mother's joy was short-lived when evil zoo workers named the calf after a housing estate in Coleraine. As …

DeLorean accidentally takes Northern Ireland back to the 80s

Dunmurry's last remaining time machine has accidentally transported Northern Ireland back to the 1980s, it has emerged. The incident occurred when a group of youths hijacked a DeLorean DMC-12 driving through South West Belfast in the early hours of this morning. The vehicle was on its way to a local Comic-Con when it was approached …

ISIS bride looking to swap a detention camp in Syria for a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom in Tullycarnet

ISIS bride Shamima Begum took to the 'NIHE House Swaps' Facebook page this morning  to ask if anyone in the Tullycarnet area would be willing to swap their home for her place in a Syrian detention camp.  The 19-yr-old fled the UK to Syria as a schoolgirl aged 15 but now hopes to move to …

Latest MLA sighting at Stormont yet another hoax

The latest MLA sighting at Stormont has been exposed as yet another elaborate hoax, it has emerged. Weed enthusiast, Connor Spiracy (36), claims he saw a Northern Irish MLA at work and even had photographic evidence to back it up. The flat-earther captured the footage on the grounds of Stormont and says the images he …

Dundonald woman tells internet she’s ‘fed up this day’

A Dundonald woman is 'fed up this day', according to some shite she wrote on the internet this morning. It follows yesterday's claims about her being 'Up to high doh'. 38-year-old Helen McMelter posted a deliberately vague Facebook status hoping to trigger an outpouring of sympathy. Within seconds of posting, dozens of nosy bastards descended …

Dundonald woman charged with ‘GHB’

A Dundonald woman has been charged with GHB after a drink-fuelled night out with friends. Helen McMelter was celebrating a friend's divorce in Benedicts Hotel, Belfast when the incident is said to have occurred. Eyewitnesses claim the mother-of-five was clutching a large inflatable penis and screaming 'get her bucked' which attracted the attention of a …

Local woman left badly shaken after falling on vibro plate

A Dundonald woman was left ‘badly shaken’ after going head over arse on a vibro plate at her local gym, it has emerged. Anna Robic (41) was performing a ‘side plank’ when her arm gave way beneath her sending her crashing face-first into a high-powered vibrating plate. The mother-of-three’s head repeatedly bounced of the plate …

Scientology ‘fleg’ spotted in Belfast

A 'fleg' supporting the Church of Scientology has been spotted up a lamppost in Belfast. It is understood that either Themuns or Usuns are showing solidarity with the controversial organisation which has been passing leaflets around the city in recent days. It is the latest in a series of strange 'flegs' unfurled by locals who …

Frostbit Boy loses testicle to frostbite

The 2015 internet thing dubbed 'Frostbit Boy' was rushed to hospital after his severely blackened testicles were discovered by his family. The 26-year-old told a sensationalist local internet news source he'd had his 'left ballick wheeked aff, hi' after being diagnosed with frostbite. It's understood the boss-level Culchie was returning home from a night at …