Translink bosses will reinstate No.8 Ballybeen bus amid strike action

GET DLA MERCH Translink announced they'll be temporarily reinstating the No.8 Ballybeen Estate bus as joint union strike action is set to shut down public bus services across Northern Ireland. Bosses confirmed they'd be restoring the much cherished service to minimize disruption for Ballybeen residents. 'We can confirm that the No.8 bus will return to … Continue reading Translink bosses will reinstate No.8 Ballybeen bus amid strike action

Buses hijacked and set alight as Dundonald takeaways run out of salted chilli chicken

Vehicles were hijacked and torched in Dundonald last night after several Chinese takeaways ran out of salted chilli chicken. Masked men hijacked a bus and set it on fire, police said, in one of several incidents unfolding across the town during a night of unparalleled disorder. Trouble erupted in the civil parish after it emerged … Continue reading Buses hijacked and set alight as Dundonald takeaways run out of salted chilli chicken

Emergency services attend scene after Smart car collides with rabbit

GET DLA MERCH Emergency were called to scene of an accident on the Craigantlet Hills this morning when the driver of a Smart Car collided with a rabbit. The animal walked away from the crash unscathed although the vehicle has been totally destroyed. A PSNI spokesman confirmed: ‘Motorists are advised that the road over Craigantlet … Continue reading Emergency services attend scene after Smart car collides with rabbit

Call to ban election posters within 30ft of schools after spate of kid’s nightmares

PTA groups have rallied together in calling for a ban on election posters outside schools in all constituencies ahead of the local elections in May. The calls come after hundreds of primary school children complained about having ‘bad dreams’ about ‘lampposts with the ugly heads’ during previous election campaigns. Concerned parent and admin of a … Continue reading Call to ban election posters within 30ft of schools after spate of kid’s nightmares

Herds of bare-chested Smicks descend upon local beauty spots

Herds of wild Smicks were spotted at beauty spots across the province as temperatures soared to 17 degrees today. Every year, thousands of malnourished teenage boys 'whip their taps aff' and flock to country parks and conservation areas where they drink copious amounts of tonic wine and pish in the sea. Locals eagerly anticipate the … Continue reading Herds of bare-chested Smicks descend upon local beauty spots

Dundonald vigilante group confronts local ‘Predator’

GET DLA MERCH An angry mob confronted a man in the Dundonald area whom they believed to be a Predator. A video viewed thousands of times online shows the 'beast' facing accusations from a vigilante group. The 'Predator' was accused of arranging to meet a human decoy so that he might take their skull as … Continue reading Dundonald vigilante group confronts local ‘Predator’

Vladimir Putin phones into The Nolan Show

GET DLA MERCH An irate Vladimir Putin rang into The Nolan Show this morning and got into a heated debate with presenter Stephen Nolan. The Russian president said he was 'pure raging' at how he'd been portrayed by the Western media and wanted to set the record straight. 'What about our community?', responded Putin, when … Continue reading Vladimir Putin phones into The Nolan Show

Fat men in skin-tight rugby tops return to Belfast pubs

Fat fellas in ill-fitting rugby jerseys have been spotted in numerous bars across Belfast today, according to reports.  The men, believed to be in their 30s & 40s, would be the type of dickheads who played for your school rugby team only older. Hundreds of the burly ball-bags were seen walking down Great Victoria Street … Continue reading Fat men in skin-tight rugby tops return to Belfast pubs

Rioters will throw hand sanitiser bombs at police this summer amid rising fuel costs

Get DLA Merch Organisers of Northern Ireland's summer riots have confirmed a move away from the traditional petrol bomb as their weapon of choice amid escalating fuel prices. Each year, thousands of people across the province participate in violent public disturbances which rumble on for several weeks. Petrol bombs have traditionally been the go-to murder … Continue reading Rioters will throw hand sanitiser bombs at police this summer amid rising fuel costs