Local woman reveals harrowing ordeal after Facebook crash

A Dundonald woman has revealed her harrowing experience while Facebook was down. 

Helen McMelter (35) was unable to access the site for a whopping FIVE hours when the social media giant’s servers were downed for essential maintenance.

Helen initially believed it to be a WiFi issue before realising the situation was much more serious.

‘I was glued to a row between hoors on the Woodvale Buy & Sell Facebook page when suddenly it stapped workin’, she recalls.

‘I guldered at my Joe and told him to get off his lazy hole and fix the internet’.

‘But he said the WiFi was dead on cos he was spunking his PIP money on the Bet365 app as per usual’.

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Helen then ran down her street holding her iPhone in the air to see if she could pick up a neighbour’s signal but to no avail.

‘I just did what anyone would do in that situation and rang the peelers’, explained Helen.

When emergency services arrived on the scene they found Helen ‘begging for all the biz’.

The 35-yr-old was wrapped in a blanket and whisked away to a nearby community centre where other victims of the Facebook crash were given shelter.

During the Facebook blackout medical professionals gave the victims mirrors and bunny ears so they could pretend to be taking selfies.

Volunteers held up photographs of various things including meals and encouraged the victims give them a thumbs up if they approved.

Medical staff also retaught the victims how to communicate verbally after they’d spent the past ten years conversing exclusively in Gifs and emojis.

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Eventually Facebook’s servers were operational again sparking emotional scenes in the community centre.

‘I’m just relieved the nightmare is finally over’, wept Helen whilst repeatedly tapping her Facebook app.

The 35-yr-old mother-of-three even started to consider what her life might look like without Facebook.

‘How was I gonna know who’d split up with who over the weekend? How the fuck was I supposed to know who was living their best life and who wasn’t?’.



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