Dundonald Chemist Runs ‘Netflix & Pill’ Promotion

A pharmacy on the Upper Newtownards Road is offering a promotional discount on the ‘morning after pill’ for randy young couples, it has emerged.

The Dundonald-based pharmacy noticed an increase in the amount of young women queued outside the doors at opening time who were ‘lukin la pill’.

Since 2011, ‘Netflix & Chill’ has been a euphemism for animalistic unprotected sex with anyone willing to participate.

As a result, the Medicare branch, situated in Dundonald Village, has collaborated with media streaming giants Netflix to offer customers a package deal whereby they receive a month’s free subscription along with their emergency contraception.

Pharmacist Phil McDruggan said, ‘I would open the shutters on a Saturday morning and there would be a snaking queue of women clutching a bottle of Evian with their mascara looking like Alice Cooper’s’.

One of those customers, Sally McTarty, called to a local man’s house to watch a Jason Statham movie.

She recalls, ‘I went round to Big Andy’s fer Netflix & Chill. About 20 minutes in he gimme lat luk’.

‘Next fing a know am gettin wheelbarrowed while Transporter 2 plays in la background’.

‘So am down here lis morning to get la pill. Eight kids is enough’.

Not everyone is a fan of Netflix & Chill though. Nigel Monk actually wanted to watch a film and was pestered for sex by his wife. He moaned, ‘I’d been looking forward to watching The Ozark all day. But about 20 minutes in she was licking my neck like a springer spaniel’.

‘I had to watch it on the i-Pad in the spare room’, he admitted.

Cautious Jack Steekington was determined not to get his Netflix & Chill partner pregnant.

He told us, ‘She’s bin uppa spout more times than Itsy Bitsy spider. So a drove her down here first fing lis mornin to make sure sha tuk it’.

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