Oxford-AstraZeneca say newest vaccine ‘useless’ against Larne variant

The Oxford-AstraZeneca vaccine gives people ‘f**k all’ protection against the new Larne variant of the coronavirus which is now the dominant strain in Northern Ireland, its developers say.

They found similar deficiency against the A119 “Ards” variant to the original virus, based on swabs from local volunteers.

Dr Steph O’Scope, chief executive of the UK’s regulator, the MHRA, said the findings were “hardly surprising like”.

“Many people infected with the virus have reported a complete loss of sense of smell – which is handy when you live in a sh*t hole like Larne”.

When asked if there was a mutation in Larne, Dr O’Scope said:

“Everywhere you look. It’s like you’re on the set of The Hills Have Eyes. The place is wall-to-wall mutants”.

However, there was some good news for locals after vaccine developers said it is a relatively straightforward process to tweak the current recipe to target any new variants.

Larne Lord Mayor Buck Couzens said the town’s biggest ever vaccination programme is being rolled out ahead of schedule.

“We’re confident we’ll have all 18,000 people here jabbed before the end of the month. My daughter will be delighted if that’s the case because she’ll be able to celebrate her 30th birthday with her grandkids”

Inhabitants of Larne have given the Lord Mayor’s proposals “three thumbs up”.

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