‘So cold’ Dundonald hardman swaps shorts for trousers

A local hardman has been forced to wear trousers instead of shorts as temperatures continue to plummet.

For years, 58-year-old Chuck Stones has paraded around Dundonald in a pair of luminous sports shorts thus exposing his leg tattoos, including a union flag waving Tasmanian Devil.

However, freezing conditions have left the father-of-twelve with no choice but to purchase a pair of three-quarter lengths.

‘F**king baltic’, said Chuck, while puffing on an iced tea flavoured disposable vape.

‘Had to stick these here aul three-quarter lengths on the day’.

‘I tried to brave the elements yesterday in my shorts but it was so cold my dick resembled a milk chocolate Walnut Whip’.

‘The aul three-quarter lengths are a bit warmer plus, you can still see Taz’, he said, while exposing his calf muscle.

When pressed on why he felt the need to swear shorts throughout the year, irrespective of the weather, Chuck laughed:

‘It’s not as if I’ve a job to go to or any uniform to wear, is it nai?’.

‘Shorts, rain jacket and a pair of Balenciaga sliders is my usual ensemble’.

‘Suitable for most occasions, such as loitering outside a local convenience while restraining my muscular dog with a length of washing line’.

In related news, a recent survey said 98% of Dundonald women will remain cocooned inside their Oodies until at least February.


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