A Dundonald woman walked free from court this morning after suffocating her snoring husband, it has emerged. Kate Suffolk (42), who plead not guilty in Newtownards Magistrates Court this morning, wept as the judge read out the not guilty verdict. Before proceedings began, Mrs Suffolk told assembled journalists her defence was confident of securing a … Continue reading Court pardons woman who suffocated her snoring husband
An investigation is underway at Belfast International Airport after a couple of holidaymakers failed to check themselves in at the Lagan Bar using Facebook. The couple (who cannot be named for legal reasons) were taken to an on-site custody suite by airport security staff and questioned about the incident. One eyewitness in the Lagan Bar … Continue reading Investigation launched after holidaymakers skip Lagan Bar Facebook check-in
Jamaican popstar Shaggy has strenuously denied claims he made sexual advances toward the girl next door, it has emerged. Despite a mountain of incriminating evidence, including being rumbled mid-act by his girlfriend, the 50-year-old released a statement denying that he was ‘caught red-handed’ while riding the life clean out of his neighbour. In a brief … Continue reading Shaggy strenuously denies cheating with next door neighbour
Children across Northern Ireland are looking forward to another year of watching their parents carve elaborate designs into pumpkins, it has emerged. The age-old Halloween tradition of pumpkin carving has taken on a life of its own by becoming some sort of online cock-measuring contest now associated with bonfire building. These days, ultra-competitive arse-holes enjoy … Continue reading ‘Don’t f**king touch it, you’ll ruin it ya ballix ye’, kids told.
Sign No. 1: Your dog wags its tail when someone makes a bigoted or inappropriate joke or comment about race, colour and other cultures. Sign No. 2: Your dog will only permit those of a similar ethnicity as its owner to rub its belly. Sign No. 3: Your dog will only take a shite in neighbourhoods which house … Continue reading Five signs your dog might be racist
A Dundonald man lost an eye whilst attempting to head an old leather football, it has emerged. The 35-year-old father-of-two got involved in a ‘kickabout’ between local kids outside his home when the incident occurred. Davy Blinker was raced to the Ulster Hospital where medics tried desperately to save his sight but unfortunately the damage … Continue reading Man badly wounded after heading old football
The Dundonald Liberation Army 