9 out of 10 kids concerned about how much time their adult spends making a dick of themselves online

A new study has revealed that 9 out of 10 children are concerned about their parent's screentime - especially parents making a dick of themselves in Facebook groups. Researchers found that adults are spending on average 6 hours-per-day rowing online with strangers. Concerned children are eager to limit their parent's screentime in order to minimize … Continue reading 9 out of 10 kids concerned about how much time their adult spends making a dick of themselves online

Study finds putting your child to bed at 8pm night before school re-start after 5 months of staying up til 12pm ‘fucking pointless’

A groundbreaking new study compiled by Dundonald Looniversity has found that children who've spent the past 5 months sitting up til 12pm are refusing to sleep at 8pm now. 100 test subjects experienced a 0% success rate while forcing a wide awake child to sleep the night before they re-started school. The findings were in … Continue reading Study finds putting your child to bed at 8pm night before school re-start after 5 months of staying up til 12pm ‘fucking pointless’

188 Bus Driver Awarded Victoria Cross

The heroic driver of the 188 school bus during the 1990s is set to be awarded a Victoria Cross for gallantry ‘in the face of despicable adolescence’, it has emerged. The former Translink employee will be presented with the military decoration by Queen Elizabeth II, as the Red Arrows perform an aerobatic display overhead in … Continue reading 188 Bus Driver Awarded Victoria Cross

Woman who wrote ‘come at me 2020’ last NYE really regretting it now

A Dundonald woman who dared 2020 to come at her is sorely regretting it now, it has emerged.  Every New Year's Eve, Helen McMelter's Facebook followers eagerly anticipate her long winded post in which she reviews her year. After blaming everyone but herself for another 12-months worth of disastrous life choices, Helen will normally sign … Continue reading Woman who wrote ‘come at me 2020’ last NYE really regretting it now

IFA to replace national anthem with Bits & Pieces for Cup final

The Irish FA have announced they will replace the national anthem with the legendary Smick anthem 'Bits & Pieces' before tomorrow’s Irish Cup final between Glentoran and Ballymena. The move comes after the IFA’s DJ received a written request from Glentoran fans. ‘I don’t usually do requests’, explained DJ Sammy C. ‘But The Glens went … Continue reading IFA to replace national anthem with Bits & Pieces for Cup final

Facebook medical expert recommends everybody lose their sh*t over Covid-19

A self-certified Facebook medical expert is recommending everybody should start losing their shit over Covid-19, it has emerged. Helen McMelter, who wouldn't have the medical background to squeeze a pimple, took to social media this morning to spread fear and panic among those who believe everything they read on Facebook. The mother-of-two, regarded as a … Continue reading Facebook medical expert recommends everybody lose their sh*t over Covid-19

Prods set to celebrate inaugural ‘Sash Thursday’

The PUL community of Northern Ireland will celebrate their first ever 'Sash Thursday' tomorrow, it has emerged. Organisers have described 'Sash Thursday' as 'an inclusive event celebrating cultural diversity which welcomes all sections of the community - except Fenians'. It's widely believed the creation of Sash Thursday is a direct response to a day of … Continue reading Prods set to celebrate inaugural ‘Sash Thursday’

Facebook Becomes House of Commons

Thousands of people logged onto social media this morning to discover that all of their friends have become political and economic experts. People woke up to the shocking news that the Conservatives had won a landslide victory, even though the media (who very rarely get anything wrong - except for the last general elections result, … Continue reading Facebook Becomes House of Commons

Local woman buys another six bags for life

A Dundonald woman was forced to buy another half dozen reusable shopping bags today after forgetting to bring hers for the 352nd time in a row, it has emerged. Lydia Morrisons went to do her weekly shop this morning but soon realised she’d left all her bags for life in a cupboard under the sink. … Continue reading Local woman buys another six bags for life