England charged with murdering Sweet Caroline

England has been charged with the brutal murder of Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline' at Wembley Stadium last night. In what eyewitnesses claim was a sustained and vicious assault on the eardrums, 66,000 people belted out the 1969 classic while celebrating England's EURO 2020 semi-final victory over Denmark. Police were alerted by Northern Ireland supporters who … Continue reading England charged with murdering Sweet Caroline

Behind closed doors school sports day will have ‘Ma and Da Crowd Feature’ for kids

NI Education Minister Peter Weir has confirmed 2021's School Sports Day will again be held behind closed doors although children will be given the option of an interactive crowd noise. Those participating in our primary school's prestigious annual sporting event can enjoy the new 'Mas & Das Crowd Feature'. EA SPORTS have created a range … Continue reading Behind closed doors school sports day will have ‘Ma and Da Crowd Feature’ for kids

Dundonald F.C. join European Pub League

Dundonald Football Club are among twelve teams who have a agreed to form a new European Pub League. The Dundonald outfit will join the likes LSD Eindhoven, DLA Galaxy and Real Hungover in the competition. 'This is a unique opportunity to play against half-p*ssed overweight men wearing knee-straps in different European cities', said a Dundonald … Continue reading Dundonald F.C. join European Pub League

Glentoran announce signing of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

Get a DLA mug Glentoran have announced the double-signing of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The pair have joined the Oval club on 3-year deals and will go straight into the squad for Tuesday's home clash with Coleraine. It's understood the East Belfast outfit swooped for the couple after failing in bids to land Jeremy … Continue reading Glentoran announce signing of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

East Link all-weather football pitches to be rebuilt for UK & ROI World Cup bid

A housing development will be demolished to make way for dangerous all-weather football pitches as Dundonald looks to strengthen a joint UK and Ireland 2030 World Cup bid. Residents of Leathem Square were informed this morning by Lisburn and Castlereagh City Council of its intention to tear down their homes in order to rebuild the … Continue reading East Link all-weather football pitches to be rebuilt for UK & ROI World Cup bid

IFA to replace national anthem with Bits & Pieces for Cup final

The Irish FA have announced they will replace the national anthem with the legendary Smick anthem 'Bits & Pieces' before tomorrow’s Irish Cup final between Glentoran and Ballymena. The move comes after the IFA’s DJ received a written request from Glentoran fans. ‘I don’t usually do requests’, explained DJ Sammy C. ‘But The Glens went … Continue reading IFA to replace national anthem with Bits & Pieces for Cup final

Sex Shops release limited edition ‘Deadline Day Dildo’

Sex shops across the UK have released a limited edition dildo for football fans to assault Sky Sports news reporters with on Transfer Deadline Day.  The white 12" vibrator has been branded 'Big Jimmy', in honour of legendary Sky Sports presenter Jim White. Transfer deadline day is the final day of the transfer window during … Continue reading Sex Shops release limited edition ‘Deadline Day Dildo’

Rory McIlroy makes perfect start in bid to get back to his mansion

Rory McIlroy made the perfect start in his is quest to get back to his mansion with a one-over 73 at The Masters 2019. The four-time major winner from Holywood couldn't have asked for more when he blew his opening drive wide right into the trees ‘With any luck I’ll miss the cut and be … Continue reading Rory McIlroy makes perfect start in bid to get back to his mansion

Michael Conlon to dress as Gerry Adams and be led to ring by Sinn Fein for next fight

Belfast boxer Michael Conlon is to dress as Gerry Adams and be led to the ring by a delegation of prominent Sinn Fein members for his next fight, according to reports this morning.  It's a move which has infuriated the PUL community even further after the 27-year-old controversially entered the ring on St Patrick’s night … Continue reading Michael Conlon to dress as Gerry Adams and be led to ring by Sinn Fein for next fight

Local man who told his wife he was skint about to spend £400 on Cheltenham

A Dundonald man who told his wife he was skint is about to gamble roughly £400 on the Cheltenham Festival today, it has emerged.  Phil Docket (41) made it abundantly clear to his wife Beatrice (38) he wouldn't be able to give her any money towards the bills this week because he was 'f**kin fleeced'. … Continue reading Local man who told his wife he was skint about to spend £400 on Cheltenham