Dunlady House resident gives Daniel O’Donnell 24hrs to get out Dundonald after surprise visit

Irish Country sensation Daniel O'Donnell was whisked away under threat after an impromptu visit to a County Down nursing home, it has emerged.  The 58-year-old affectionately known as 'wee Daniel', was given a police escort to his home in Meenbanad, County Donegal, after an elderly resident accused the singer of 'touchin' for his wife. 89-year-old …

Proclaimers no longer able to walk 500 miles & apply for mobility car

Scottish duo The Proclaimers were seen in a car showroom picking out a mobility car, it has emerged. It follows reports the ageing pair are no longer able to make their arduous five hundred mile trek on foot. For over thirty years the brothers have bragged about the thousands of miles they’ve clocked up in …

Willie McCrea wounded in bitter Gospel feud drive-by

Musician Willie McCrea has been seriously wounded following a drive-by shooting linked to a Free Presbyterian gospel feud.  McCrea, known professionally as Will. I . Am MC-Crea, was met by a hail of gunfire as he stood outside his Magherafelt recording studio around 9am this morning. Eyewitnesses claim they saw a blacked-out Nissan Micra pull …

Harry & Meghan looking to swap a castle in Windsor for a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom in the West Winds

'Rebel Royals' Prince Harry and Meghan Markle took to the 'NIHE House Swaps' Facebook page this morning  to ask if anyone in the West Winds would be willing to live in Frogmore Cottage, on the grounds of Windsor Castle. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are desperate to escape the pressures of royal life and …

Julian Simmons follows Gwyneth by releasing a candle which smells like his knob

Ever wondered what Julian Simmons' penis smells like? No me neither.  But for anyone who's spent a sleepless night pondering what scent the continuity announcer's knob might have, well, the wait is over. Northern Irish A-list celeb Julian Simmons has followed in the footsteps of Gwyneth Paltrow by releasing a candle that smells like his …

Violumpet man enters Forbes rich list

A Romanian man with a Stroh Violin topped the rich list for Northern Ireland musicians in 2019, according to Forbes magazine. The PSNI and Belfast Telegraph have revealed that the Bucharest busker is clearing around £170 per day tax free in Belfast City Centre. Those sorts of figures have propelled him above the likes of …

Breaking: Parliament prorogued until Coleen-Rebekah spat resolved

The Queen has suspended parliament until all the gory details of the Coleen Rooney-Rebekah Vardy row have been revealed. Leader of the House Jacob Ress-Mogg, who met the Queen earlier today, made the announcement a short while ago, saying: ‘F**k Brexit, all the MPs are getting the popcorn in and watching this WAG war unfold …

New IRA call ceasefire until reasons for Amber and Gregg split established

A group calling itself the New IRA has declared a temporary ceasefire until the full facts of the Amber and Greg split are known. The devastating news that Love Island winners Greg O'Shea and Amber Gill had split, broke around 1pm today. The news sent shockwaves across the UK with the pound plummeting in value …

David Beckham reduced to tears on Barry’s Ghost Train

Global superstar David Beckham was reduced to tears after a 'very scary' experience in a Portrush theme park, according to reports. The former Manchester United star (44) had to be consoled by his team of minders after taking a ride on the Ghost Train in Barry's Amusements. Beckham and his entourage descended upon the seaside …

Sean Paul to perform ‘We Be Burnin’ at Shankill bonfire opening ceremony

Middle-aged Jamaican warbler Sean Paul, AKA ‘Shan-a Paaaal’, has been booked by local residents to perform at the Shankill bonfire this year, it has emerged. After wowing the crowds with a mini-set which will include his hits ‘We Be Burnin’, ‘Temperature’ and ‘Ever Blazin’, the rapper will then set fire to the huge wooden structure …