The 2015 internet thing dubbed 'Frostbit Boy' was rushed to hospital after his severely blackened testicles were discovered by his family. The 26-year-old told a sensationalist local internet news source he'd had his 'left ballick wheeked aff, hi' after being diagnosed with frostbite. It's understood the boss-level Culchie was returning home from a night at … Continue reading Frostbit Boy loses testicle to frostbite
Some harrowing tales are emerging this afternoon as the victims of Dundonald's 5-minute snow storm share their experiences. The whole parish was thrown into chaos around 1pm today as a shocking half a centimetre of snow fell from the skies. Some residents were moved to temporary accommodation after a skiff of snow settled on top … Continue reading Survivors of Dundonald’s 5-min snow storm reveal ordeal
Everyone in Northern Ireland is about to completely lose their shit over the 1cm of snow which may settle for an hour or two before melting, it has emerged. The announcement comes even though it has snowed every year since records began. Dfl Roads kicked things off by confirming they were totally unprepared should the … Continue reading Northern Ireland to lose its shit over 1cm of snowfall again
A Dundonald couple are embroiled in a bitter custody battle over their Air Fryer, it has emerged. Joe and Helen McMelter have been locked in divorce negotiations over their five children and countertop convection oven with neither party prepared to concede an inch. Much like Lazy Spas and paddle boards before it, the Air Fryer … Continue reading Divorcing Dundonald couple fight for custody of air fryer
A yellow weather warning has been issued after a Larne man was blown off his sister during the act of coitus. 42-year-old Drew Peacock claims he was 'giving his sister the ride' when a huge gust of wind sent him hurtling through the air. The father of 12 was found several hours later by dog … Continue reading Yellow weather warning as strong winds blow Larne man off his sister
NI councils say they remain 'on course' to hit their target of 100,000 potholes on roads across the province. The latest data shows the councils are falling short with just 65,000 potholes recorded on NI’s roads last year. 'We're doing everything we can to hit the 100,000 mark', said a Belfast City Council spokesman. 'Lack … Continue reading NI councils ‘on course’ to reach 100,000 potholes target in 2023
A Dundonald man who held in a fart for 17 hours, has died. 31-year-old Ivor Windass spontaneously combusted as a result of a huge build up of gas in his alimentary canal. The window cleaner recently confided in friends and family that he'd entered into a new relationship which wasn't at the 'farting in front … Continue reading Man in new relationship dies from holding in fart
An alleged energy drink dealer in Dundonald has been the victim of a paramilitary-style attack. 24-year-old Paul Logan was set upon by masked men and dragged up an alleyway where he was beaten with baseball bats, iron bars and a wet towel. The father-of-eight was stumbled upon by a dog walker and rushed to the … Continue reading ‘Prime dealer’ victim of paramilitary-style punishment beating
Social media giants Facebook will offer its users a new filter allowing them to block any ‘the boy did good’ posts from their timelines on Christmas Day this year, according to reports. Every Christmas, thousands of women pretend to be shocked while posing for photographs with all the gifts they demanded from their partners before … Continue reading Facebook announces new ‘the boy done good’ filter for Christmas
A local hardman has been forced to wear trousers instead of shorts as temperatures continue to plummet. For years, 58-year-old Chuck Stones has paraded around Dundonald in a pair of luminous sports shorts thus exposing his leg tattoos, including a union flag waving Tasmanian Devil. However, freezing conditions have left the father-of-twelve with no choice … Continue reading ‘So cold’ Dundonald hardman swaps shorts for trousers
The Dundonald Liberation Army 