School children studying GCSE history are to learn about the ‘Great Bog Roll Shortage of 2020’ in a new syllabus unveiled today.
Pupils will study in depth the time when morons unnecessarily stock-piled shit paper during the early stages of the Coronavirus outbreak.
They will have to show that they understand the reasons why people forced the elderly to wipe their holes with newspaper over a virus which caused no one to run to the toilet.
Dr Luke Bach, head of History at Dundonald Looniversity, believes studying the Great Bog Roll Shortage will help prevent future generations acting like dickheads, in the event of another pandemic:
‘It’s a fascinating insight into the behaviour of complete welt-heads during the COVID-19 outbreak’.
‘Pupils will learn about those who hoarded items such as toilet roll, pasta and anti-bacterial wipes, leaving the rest of us to clean our holes with things like The Sunday World’.
Dr Bach also revealed that students would be asked to complete a case study involving a pensioner who was kicked in the shins as she attempted to lift the last loaf of bread off a supermarket shelf:
‘The auld doll being viciously assaulted over a loaf is one of the most significant moments of the bread shortage. It really encapsulates what these stockpiling ballbegs were all about’.
Pupils will learn about other lockdown behaviours such as Tik Tok, DIY haircuts and daytime drinking.
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