Survivors of Dundonald’s 5-min snow storm reveal ordeal

Some harrowing tales are emerging this afternoon as the victims of Dundonald’s 5-minute snow storm share their experiences.

The whole parish was thrown into chaos around 1pm today as a shocking half a centimetre of snow fell from the skies.

Some residents were moved to temporary accommodation after a skiff of snow settled on top of their wheelie bins.

Local politicians are describing events as the biggest crisis Dundonald has faced since McDonalds discontinued the McRib in 1996.

Rescue services were called when flight attendant Simon Thompson accidently stepped into a slushy puddle in his brand new Ugg boots.

Speaking from his crushed velvet bed the Ulster Hospital’s Intensive Flair Unit, Simon told us:

‘Only outta the bax and they’re fuckin’ ruined.

‘Some big ambulance man took them off me and left them to dry on a radiator over there’.

Asked if he thought the Uggs would dry out ok, Simon wept,‘It’s just a waiting game nigh’.

Meanwhile, there were also reports of a human crush occurring at the automatic doors of Dundonald’s ASDA as hundreds of pensioners equipped with tartan shopping trolleys rushed to stock up on milk, bread and tinned meats.

Wee Sadie McMelter, 78, who fractured eight ribs in the crush, told us:

‘I can’t close my cupboard doors as it is but I thought I’d get another sixteen tins of Spaghetti Hoops cos you never know how long this weather will last, do ye?’

Images of residents gritting their driveways were broadcast around the globe leading to an outpouring of sympathy as #prayfordundanal began trending on Twitter.

In related news, with temperatures expected to plummet, 98% of people who received their £600 energy payment wish they hadn’t spent the money on alcohol and tattoos.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s