Northern Ireland to lose its shit over 1cm of snowfall again

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Everyone in Northern Ireland is about to completely lose their shit over the 1cm of snow which may settle for an hour or two before melting, it has emerged.

The announcement comes even though it has snowed every year since records began.

Dfl Roads kicked things off by confirming they were totally unprepared should the snow settle for any period of time.

‘We regrettably announce we have absolutely f*ck all provisions in place to deal with the snow which we’ve known might fall since last winter’, said a spokesperson on behalf of Dfl Roads.

‘Expect massive traffic disruption and pensioners sliding about like new born foals on an ice rink’.

‘Also, we would like to take this opportunity to encourage anyone with a car which is close to breaking down to make a completely unnecessary journey’.

‘Maybe take her up the Westlink or Stockmans Lane. They love a good breakdown up there’, they added.


Meanwhile, thousands of ball bags flocked to social media to post photos of the snow settling in their gardens along with the caption: ‘it’s snowing’.

As a result, the DLA issued threats to all the irritating amateur weather reporters.

‘People are capable of looking out of the window to see any adverse weather conditions with their own fucking eyes’, read a statement.

‘Therefore, anyone who writes, ‘It’s Snowing’ on Bakebook shall be unmercifully kicked in the ballix’.

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