Divorcing Dundonald couple fight for custody of air fryer

A Dundonald couple are embroiled in a bitter custody battle over their Air Fryer, it has emerged.

Joe and Helen McMelter have been locked in divorce negotiations over their five children and countertop convection oven with neither party prepared to concede an inch.

Much like Lazy Spas and paddle boards before it, the Air Fryer is the latest must-have item for people who can’t see green shite.

‘F**k the kids. I want the Air Fryer’, said Joe.

‘Can a chile cook a chicken burger 30% faster than a conventional oven? No they can’t’.

‘I can see the boys at weekends but I couldn’t go more than a few hours without my Air Fryer’, he wept

Meanwhile, Helen is adamant she should receive full-custody of the amped-up kitchen appliance.

‘He can see the Air Fryer when he starts paying for it’, she snapped.

‘I’m the one who took the finance out on Klarna. I’m the one who cooked everything in it for him. I’m the only one who cleaned the f**king thing out’.

‘If it’s a war he wants, I’ll see him in court’.

‘You can still get legal aid, right?’.


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