Dundonald fella takes up smoking in bid to quit vaping

A Dundonald man has started smoking tobacco cigarettes in a desperate bid to wean himself off nicotine vapour, it has emerged. 

Dave ‘Dopey’ Stewart inadvertently became addicted to nicotine when he started vaping a couple of years ago.

Dopey, a non-smoker to begin with, started vaping because ‘all his mates were doing it’.

Through time Dave became heavily dependent upon the vapour emitting electronic device.

The twenty-six-year-old’s parents became concerned about their son’s over-use of the e-Cig and told him he should cut down.


So, after a brief consultation with some ‘medical experts’ on Facebook, Dave decided the best way to quit vaping was to start smoking.

“I managed to cut back on my vapin’ by smokin’ twen’y Richmonds a day”, explained Dave.

And when informed that smoking tobacco was more harmful than vaping Dave snapped:

“Sure everythin’s bad for ye according to yousens. Drinkin’, ate’n McDanaldsiz – next you’ll be tellin’ me sniffin’ glue is bad for ye!”.

Despite the serious health risks attributed to smoking, Dave’s father, Jake, is relieved that his son has finally quit vaping:

“I was sick lukin’ at him puffin’ on that fuckin’ froot-flute”.

“Every night while I was rollin’ my fegs, he’d be pourin’ Gaylord juice in his poof-pipe”.

“Then he’d sit there blowin’ about his flavoured mist like a big Ginny-ann”.
“So I sez to him, ‘Dave, get this feg down yer neck'”
“And he was like, ‘But Da, it’s bad fer ye'”

“So I sez til him, ‘Luk at yer mawn Patrick Swayze! Ya didn’t see him suckin’ on a wanker whistle, did ye? He tuk his cancer of the larynx like a real mawn'”.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s