Local martyr doesn’t want anything for Xmas again


A Dundonald woman has maintained her annual tradition of being absolutely f**k all help when it comes to choosing her a Christmas gift, it has emerged.

Every year, Kristina Kringle’s children fail in the numerous attempts to wheedle a suitable gift suggestion her.

The 60-yr-old mother-of-three will fob her children off with lines such as: ‘Ach, don’t yous be wasting yer money on me. As long as the kids get, that’s all that matters’.

Despite Kristina’s martyrdom on the matter, her children will rush out to spend money on shite she doesn’t need and will never use.

‘F**king nightmare that woman is’, complained her son Dennis.

‘She knows I hate walking about that town when it’s bunged. All I wanted was a wee clue’.

‘Pointless anyway. No matter what you buy she gives to someone else’.

Kristina’s daughter, Kristine, was equally as perplexed by her mother’s unhelpful approach to the situation:

‘We all know fine rightly if we did buy her f**k all her bake would trip her on Christmas morning. So I don’t see why she can’t just give us a hand to pick something she actually wants’.

Meanwhile, Kristina doesn’t understand what the big deal is anyway?

‘Ach I dunno what their moaning about. I must be the easiest person in the world to buy for’, said the woman with no apparent hobbies or interests.

‘Sure I have nathin’, she added.

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