Local mum celebrates child’s first swear word with a balloon cluster

A Dundonald woman has celebrated her child’s first utterance of the word ‘fuck’ with an assortment of overpriced balloons, it has emerged.

Helen McMelter ordered the helium-filled bags after hearing her 3-year-old daughter Shania drop the F bomb this morning.

It’s understood the toddler was refusing to get her hair brushed when the profanity was used.

‘She’s never used language like that before, I dunno where the fuck she gets it from’, explained Helen.

‘All I did was ask her if she wanted to get her hair brushed and the wee fucker told me to ‘fuck off’. I couldn’t fucking believe it’.

‘But ya have to make memories, don’t ye? So I messaged yer woman down the street who used to breed dogs but now she does the balloons and put a wee order in’.

Later that day, Helen took some photos of Shania with her balloons and uploaded them to Facebook.

‘You know what it’s like these days. Ya can’t let a wee milestone in the chile’s life pass by without a balloon arch and a personalised sash’.

‘And if ya do, sure you’re a shite ma. Ya know what them hoors on Facebook are like’.

‘Kids these days get a customised balloon for taking their first sh*te and a home visit from The Grinch at Christmas’.

‘Back in the 80s your parents couldn’t even blow up a balloon because they smoked 60 Regal a day and the only home visits you got at Christmas were from the tick man who hadn’t been paid since July’.

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