Absolute bastard has made a wee start on Christmas

A 33-year-old Dundonald woman is getting on everyone’s tits by boasting that she’s ‘made a wee start on Christmas’.

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Smug Emma Kringle is looking forward to spending the next four months lecturing those around her about how unorganised they are.

The mother-of-two claims to be ‘getting a few things in early’, so as to avoid ‘leaving everything to the last minute’.

The hairdresser bought most of her family’s gifts online in June, therefore avoiding the Christmas price inflation and long queues at the shops.

‘Totally organised this year, so I am’, said Emma to everyone within earshot.

‘I’ve most of my shopping done. Just a few wee knick-knacks and stocking fillers to get. Means I can just relax and enjoy Christmas this year’.

In order to let everyone know how super organised she is, Emma is planning to begin every conversation with the question, ‘So, are ya all set for Christmas?’.

Once the unsuspecting person admits they haven’t even started thinking about it, Emma will proceed to tell them about all the toiletries and sets she wrapped up in March in order to get ‘a wee head start’.

If this doesn’t adequately panic the person, Emma will remind them how many shopping days and pay days it is until Christmas Eve.

However, her nephew Stuart revealed that Emma’s presents are ‘always shite’.

He said, ‘It’s the same aul shite every year. A Lynx Africa set and a three-pack of Primark trunks. No wonder the miserable hoor has her shopping finished by September’.

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