Portavogie seagull winged for anti-social behaviour

A SEAGULL in his 20s has been shot in both wings in a “paramilitary-style” attack in Portavogie last night.

Police are currently at the scene in the village.

An ambulance service spokesman said: “We received the report this morning of a male seagull having been shot through the wings.”

“We sent two crews to the scene and he was transported to Vets4pets.”

“Winging” was often carried out as punishment by the paramilitaries, the aim being to cause maximum pain and damage to unruly birds, leaving them unable to fly again.

The victim, 22-year-old Steven Seagull, is alleged to have engaged in anti-social behaviour such as stealing chips out of children’s hands and shitting on freshly washed cars.

However, squawking from his bed in Vets4pets, Steven told us: “Did I f**k steal any chile’s chips!! Sure I was just in the nest watching the soaps with my ma!.”

Steven’s version of events was verified by his mother, Carol. She said:

“My wee Steeky wouldn’t hurt a fly. He was only away til the shaps til get me a pint’a milk and those dirty Bs shat him in both wings”.

A group calling itself the DLA has claimed responsibility.

A statement on behalf of the organisation read: “Let lis be a warning til the rest of you shite hawks out there. UPPA DLA”.


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