The Ulster Hospital has declared a ‘major incident’ after several Dundonald women tested positive for Rihanna virus.
A leading R&B physician at the Belfast Trust, Dr Dre, said the women are exhibiting symptoms of the virus which include a runny nose, love on the brain and slut dropping to bangers in the club.
It’s understood the women contracted the virus whilst consuming vast quantities of West Coast Cooler Rose and listening to the Barbadian singer’s greatest hits during an early-hours kitchen soirée in the Dundonald area.
Paramedics were called to the scene around 9am this morning and treated the pyjama-clad women for a number of conditions including ‘shack’.
5 star surgeon general Dr Dre, told us the women were in a ‘hopeless place’.
‘Some of the patients were experiencing temporary amnesia and kept asking ‘Oh na na, what’s my name?’.
‘We administered 568mls of milkman’s orange and 66000mgs of sausage meat wrapped in puff pastry’.
‘We’ve recommended they stay at home, swear themselves off the drink for good and delete their Snapchat stories’.
The Dundonald Liberation Army 