Call to ban election posters within 30ft of schools after spate of kid’s nightmares

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PTA groups have rallied together in calling for a ban on election posters outside schools in all constituencies ahead of the local elections in May.

The calls come after hundreds of primary school children complained about having ‘bad dreams’ about ‘lampposts with the ugly heads’ during previous election campaigns.

Concerned parent and admin of a gossipy PTA Facebook group Helen McMelter, told us:

‘These posters are scaring the sh*te clean outta the kids.

‘Our eldest one, Harry, saw Jim Allister’s face on a telegraph pole outside his school three years ago and he’s still pissin’ the bed at night’.

Helen also claims her youngest son, Drake, needed specialist counselling after she drove past a series of posters attached to lamp posts along the Dundonald to Newtownards carriageway.

Drake told us:

‘We were driving to Kentucky at night when suddenly these scary faces shot quickly past the window’.

‘It was so dark and scary, I asked my ma if we were on a ghost train’.

‘But she told me to relax, it was only Mike Nesbitt’.

Meanwhile, one male voter in East Belfast is hoping that the ban does not come into effect.

Dick Tuggington, 41, has been an avid collector of Naomi Long posters since 2003.

‘I love red-heads and I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve a little thing for Naomi’, explained Dick.

Mr Tuggington then proceeded to show us his little thing and was subsequently arrested.

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