An elderly Dundonald man has been forced into prostitution amid the rising costs of household utility bills, it has emerged.
79-year-old Roger D’Arcy has been offering sexual favours in exchange for cash since receiving his extortionate gas bill last week.
Citing rising global energy costs and other lies, energy firms have increased their prices by 1000% since the beginning of the year.
The move has seen Northern Ireland’s pensioners faced with unenviable choice of sucking dick or freezing to death.
‘I’m selling my arse now’, Roger told us.
‘It’s either dish out blow jobs for £20 or die from hypothermia’.
The grandfather said he briefly considered getting involved in Northern Ireland politics before opting for prostitution.
‘I couldn’t have looked at myself in the mirror’, said Roger while applying red lipstick.
‘I was desperate for money but not that desperate’.
‘Ironically my new line of work still involves dealing with a lot of politicians’, he added.
The Dundonald Liberation Army 