Jesus checked his emails this morning to find his inbox filled with another avalanche of thoughts and prayers.
The 33-year-old Messiah has often been inundated with perfunctory prayers in the wake of every humanitarian crisis since the invent of social media.
Now it would appear the son of God has had enough of his flock’s incessant ‘slacktivism’.
‘It’s going to take me about a week to get through all these’, said Christ while furiously clicking on his mouse.
‘Post ‘Thoughts and prayers’, throw a wee flag filter on your profile pic, stick a trendy hashtag on the end of your copy & pasted sentiment – and then disengage with the cause 5 minutes later when the next cause comes along’.
‘What about some actual foot-on-the-ground activism for a change? Send them clothes? Send them food? Send them medical supplies? Or is that too much effort?’
‘When you take the flag filter off your profile pic, does that mean you don’t care anymore?’
However, it wasn’t all bad for Jesus as he stumbled across a couple of non-thoughts & prayer related emails:
‘Oh look, penis enhancement pills and a hefty inheritance from a man in Lagos’.
The Dundonald Liberation Army 