Red weather warning as Storm Dudley blows Larne man off his sister

GET DLA MERCH

A red weather warning has been issued after a Larne man was blown off his sister during the act of coitus.

42-year-old Drew Peacock claims he was ‘giving his sister the ride’ when a huge gust of wind sent him hurtling through the air.

The father of 12 was found several hours later by dog walkers.

He was naked from the waist down and dangling over a telegraph wire alongside an old pair of trainers tied together with shoe laces.

Paramedics treated him at the scene for hypothermia of the testicles and several peck wounds to his penis caused by hungry seagulls.

A Met Office spokesperson said: ‘Tell ya what bai, thon wind musta been parfill to shift thon fella aff his sister’.

‘Cos ya know what these Larne folk are like. Sure the town motto is ‘she’s only your sister from the front’.

Meanwhile, a Dundonald woman sunk to new depths of attention seeking this morning by marking herself as ‘safe’ on Facebook.

Helen McMelter activated the Facebook ‘Crisis Response’ when a mild breeze ripped through her cul-de-sac wreaking havoc.

‘Even though I was in the house and at no immediate risk of danger, I just wanted to let everyone on Facebook know I was OK. Just one less thing for people to worry about, yanno?’, she explained.

Some Dundonald residents were moved to temporary accommodation after a wheelie bin blew over and its contents were strewn across the street.

Eyewitnesses claim emergency services chased empty crisp packets caught in mini-vortexes for three hours.

This week’s offer at Fletcher Meats

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s