A Dundonald woman engaging in a controversial tea protocol has been the victim of a paramilitary-style shooting.
Philippa Potts was dragged up an alleyway near her home and shot twice in both legs for pouring the milk in first when making a cup of tea.
Graffiti reading ‘Dishwater drinkers will be shat!’ was daubed on wall close to where the attack took place.
The 56-year-old was stumbled upon by a dog walker and rushed to the Ulster Hospital’s Specialist Drama Unit.
Dr Steph O’Scope who operated on Mrs Potts told us: ‘We’ve seen a dramatic increase in the amount of admissions for tea-related paramilitary-style shootings’.
‘To be fair to the lads who done her knees, I can see their point’.
‘What kind of savage pours the milk in the tea cup first? What next? One-sided toast? Keeping your red sauce in the fridge? Sick bastards the lot of them’.
A group calling itself the Dundonald Liberation Army claimed responsibility for the attack.
A statement on behalf of the organisation read:
‘Pouring hot water on the tea beg allows for full release of colour and flavour in the cup profile, which can be better assessed by without the dilution of milk’.
‘Anyone found to be serving their mates cups of milky white shite which are an insult to the traditional methods of tea making will be dealt with accordingly’.