Belfast man mistakenly joins Universal Dance Association

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A Belfast man hoping to join the ranks of a local paramilitary group inadvertently enrolled in a summer school for college and high school dancers in the United States.

20-year-old Billy Elliot had aspirations for a full-time career in Loyalism when he stumbled upon an internet ad offering places in a UDA training camp.

Unbeknownst to Billy, he signed up for 8 weeks of intense cheerleading training in Orlando, Florida.

The stay-at-home-son informed his parents of his decision to join the UDA much to his father’s delight.

However, when pictures of Billy in a cheerleading uniform complete with poms poms emerged online, Billy Sr hit the roof.

‘I suppose he’ll want me and his ma to start using different pronouns now. Well they can go f**k theyself’, raged Billy Sr.

‘When we saw that video of him executing that carefully choreographed routine to ‘Hey, Mickey’, his mother took to her bed for three days’.

‘Why can’t he sell gear like a normal chile instead of bringing this kind of shame on the family?’, wept Billy Sr.

In an interview with Varsity TV, Billy Jr said: ‘There’s an awful lot of weemen in the organisation these days. I’ll tell ye what though, their marching bands are a hell of a lot better lukin’ than the ones at home’.

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