Bono visits Ballybeen survivors of Storm Barra

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Rock saint Bono chartered a private jet to George Best Airport so that he could see first hand the devastation caused to Ballybeen by Storm Barra.

Winds of up to 5mph swirled through the Estate yesterday, resulting in the destruction of countless garden gnomes, three patio chairs and a wheelie bin.

Harrowing images of residents clinging onto their trampolines were broadcast around the globe leading to an outpouring of sympathy as #prayforballybeen began trending on Twitter.

After witnessing the footage, Bono decided to intervene in the humanitarian crisis they’re describing as the worst to hit Ballybeen since the Mace ran out of fegs in 1988.

‘I’ll be staging a charity gig in the Enler Complex with all the proceeds going towards the victims of Storm Barra’, announced Bono.

‘And this kind-hearted gentleman has offered to help collect donations for all of those in need’, said Bono whilst pointing at a shaven-headed man shaking a bucket with one hand and restraining a rabid muscular dog with the other.

With many local businesses closing early due to safety concerns, many men sought refuge in the nearby Shebeen.

All schools in Dundonald were closed – except for a card school, which experienced unusually high attendance figures.

Dundonald Independence Committee member Sammy Mellon was less than enthused to see Bono in the Estate.

‘A hurricane is one thing but the thought of that insincere b**tard singing into the camera with that constipated expression on his face is another’.

‘Don’t you think these kids have suffered enough?’, he questioned.

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