Bangor Marina Live: What we know so far

Maaate, DLA jerseys

WARNING: Some viewers with a pre-reg 2019 car might find these next scenes disturbing

There were shocking scenes at Bangor Marina last night as two privileged twats compared the fruits of their parent’s labour.

Onlookers watched on in horror as one Bangor socialite ridiculed a rival prick’s yacht.

‘Maaaaate, maaaaaaaaaaaaaate, you live on a yacht’, yelled one cunt with his Bangor rugby jersey collar upturned.

‘Your daddy’s shite at water polo’, responded the other dick.

Events took a nasty turn when the rugger bastard brought the value of his mother’s main home into the argument.

‘You live on a boat maaaaaate. My mummy’s house is £750K, not mine, my mummy’s. One day it will be mine and I’ll have done fuck all for that money. How do you like those Red Delicious, you bluffer?’.

Things became so heated, at one point the North Down Coast Guard cancelled his Saturday night swingers party.

‘A bunch of cut-throats and savages were squabbling at the marina’, said coast guard Arthur Schwimmer.

‘There was a mad dash for the Range keys in the bowl when the police were alerted’.

Local community leaders have appealed for avocado on sour bread, yoga and drug-addled wellness gurus.

The PSNI have confirmed Dan Rice is not helping police with their enquiries.

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