A fella on Facebook proclaiming to be the world’s foremost authority in the field of virology is also an expert on foreign policy, it has emerged.
31-year-old Noah Tall has spent the past 18 months offering his expert opinion about all things Covid-19 related on social media while working from home on full pay.
The administrative assistant debunked countless theories presented by the World Health Organisation with the aid of videos he found on YouTube.
Tall, who spent 3 weeks on a ventilator last month with what doctors claim was Covid-19, still denies the virus exists.
‘It was the sniffles’, said Tall of his time in ICU.
‘Offering us all free kebabs to the get vaccine? There’s more chance of me shitting myself to death after a doner on chips with chilli sauce than there is of dying from some imaginary flu’.
The stay-at-home-son believes the virus is nothing more than a global conspiracy.
‘It’s all about control isn’t it?’, said Tall who flouted just about every restriction imposed by the government since last March.
‘Wash your hands, wear a mask, don’t do lines of Ket and share a £20 note with 40 other people at a house party. It’s like Nazi Germany’.
However, following the withdrawal of US-led coalition troops from Afghanistan and the Taliban’s seizure of control, Tall has devoted himself fully to foreign affairs.
‘Nuke the shit hole’, he said while eating a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle his mother prepared for him.
‘I know we invaded the region after 9/11 despite the fact 15 of the 19 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia and occupied it for 20-years but this is not our problem’.
‘Now they wanna come over here? Why can’t they go to one of the other Muslim countries?’, ignoring the fact Iran has taken in 800,000 refugees since 2001 and Pakistan 1.5 million.
‘What about the homeless here? Eh? Not enough homes for our ones. Look at me, I’ve been looking for a house for years and can’t get one’.
‘No he fucking hasn’t the lazy cunt’, shouted his mother.