Tyrone man wearing skinny jeans found badly beaten

A young Tyrone farmer was found badly beaten after he purchased a pair of skinny jeans, it has emerged.

Garth Carter was set upon by a gang of up to eight people after he returned from a shopping trip to ‘the big smoke’, during which he purchased jeans which were not Tyrone’s regulation boot-cut.

Garth’s battered body was stumbled upon by dog-walkers who immediately rang an ambulance.

The 24-year-old is recovering in the Royal Victoria Hospital where his condition is said to be ‘Wile bad, hi’.

‘I hear them townie weemen like a fella in a pair of those skinny numbers. So, I thought I’d get meself a pair for the dancing that night’, explained Garth.

‘But when I arrived back in Tyrone I was approached by a group of lads with GAA shirts on and they asked to see inside the bag, hi’.

‘When they saw the ‘super skinny’ label on the jeans I took a whack across the teeth with a hurley stick’.

‘Then they set upon me like a pack of wolves. I could hear them shouting, ‘how the fuck are they gonna roll down over your boots?, he sobbed.

A local gang, calling themselves ‘Culchies Upholding Normal Traditions’ or ‘C.U.N.T.S’, have claimed responsibility for the attack.

‘Garth knows the dress code: check shirt, boot-cut jeans and brown square-toed loafters’, said a spokesperson for the group.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s