Dundonald school food parcels to include sweetie fegs and Shandy Bass

Don’t get chased by Nolan, get a DLA mask today

Food packages sent to children in Dundonald who qualify for free school meals and are remote learning because of the national lockdown will contain ‘sweetie fegs’ and shandy, it has emerged.

Stormont MLAs are worried that unless exposed to low alcohol shandy drinks and ‘sweetie fegs’ at a young age, many of Dundonald’s school children might never experience the joy that accompanies a life of alcohol dependency and respiratory illness.

Other items included in the food parcels include: Creamola Foam; pickled onion Space Raiders; 5p Meanies; 6x blackcurrant Kwenchy Kups; a jar of cockles and a box of Bengal matches just for the craic.

However, local mother-of-nine, Helen McMelter, has been forced to spend her crisis loan money usually reserved for essentials such as 20 Sterling menthol and blue WKD on food for her children after receiving what she described as a ‘shackin’ food parcel this morning.

She told us: ‘That’ll hardly fill a hole in their tooth. Where’s the spam? And the healthy stuff like pasties and battered sausages?’.

‘I’d love to see aul Arlene, Michelle and Naomi survive for a week on that’.

Products such as Shandy Bass, Top Deck and candy sticks resembling cigarettes were first marketed to children in Northern Ireland in the 1980s by companies hoping to desensitize children, leading them to become heavy drinkers and smokers in adult life.

It was not an uncommon sight in the 80s to see children as young as 4 drinking alcoholic beverages in the playground before returning to class.

One former pupil of Brooklands Primary, 39-year-old Davy Yardbrush, recalls:

‘The teachers would let us outside for fifteen minutes so they could have a feg and back-stab the impoverished children’.

‘I remember many a break-time in the playground, standing with a tin of Top Deck in my hand while all us kids watched two stray Labradors ride the life clean outta each other’.

This week’s offer from Fletcher Meats

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s