Dundonald women airlifted to safety from summit of Moat Hill

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A group of women in see-through leggings have been rescued while ascending a man-made hill in Dundonald.

The earthy mound, commonly referred to as ‘The Moat’, was once the site of a 12th century fort but since 1972 has been a popular spot for drunken sexual encounters between locals.

‘The Moat’ is the highest mountain in all of Dundonald, standing at a staggering 40ft tall.

The Dundonald Mountain Rescue Team were called at around 10.15am this morning to assist a group of women experiencing harsh conditions as temperatures at the summit plummeted to 5 degrees.

The women were treated for exposure at the scene then airlifted to Dundonald Medical Centre were they were interrogated for several hours by the nosy bitches on reception.

A Dundonald Mountain Rescue Team spokesperson said:

‘At 1015hrs the team received a request to assist a group of women sporting leggings and a full face of make-up near the summit of the Moat Hill’.

‘When the team arrived, the women were experiencing difficulties connecting to Instagram and unable to upload the carefully cropped and edited snaps they’d taken while on top of the hill’.

‘The women were then transported to McDonalds car park where they were able to connect to the restaurant’s WiFi’.

‘While the majority of the party were returned to the care of friends or family, one woman was taken to the Ulster Hospital’s Specialist Drama Unit after suffering from a chronic case of camel-toe’.

Head of the Ulster Hospital’s Specialist Drama Unit, Dr Steph O’Scope, gave us an update on the woman’s condition.

‘After a complicated 4-hour procedure, we managed to extract around 90% of the leggings from the patient’s vaginal cavity’.

‘Her condition is stable but mortified’.

Meanwhile, with a yellow rain warning given for the next 2 days and flooding anticipated, dickheads with wetsuits and surf boards are expected to hit local coastal areas.

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