After finding novelty socks and a cheap body spray/shower gel set under the tree for the past 10 years, Chrissy Kringle resigned himself to the fact that this year will be no different.
The uninspiring gifts have led Chrissy to ponder whether or not he’ll even bother getting out of bed at all this year.
‘I might just lie on’, explained Chrissy
‘A fucking 3-pack of Star Wars socks out of Primark and a £2.49 Lynx Africa set. Hardly worth getting out of bed for like’.
These disappointing experiences have left the 40-year-old with a rather grim outlook regards the festive season.
‘Christmas? The same aul shite every year, so it is’.
‘Sitting in a living room watching Home Alone for the 400th time with all the people you try to avoid the other 364 days a year’.
‘Everyone wearing ridiculous jumpers and throwin’ Quality Street down their fat necks while a Brussel sprout fart-cloud hangs in the atmosphere like a layer of smog’.
‘Christmas mornings used to be about Xboxes and Blu-Rays. But as soon as you hit your 30s, people just stop putting the effort in’.
‘Lazy, unimaginative bastards the lot of them’.
When asked what he got his friends and family for Christmas, Chrissy replied ‘Amazon vouchers’.