Owner of shitty old scrapper causes one final traffic jam at Stockmans Lane

dla_largeThe owner of an old banger took the car to its final resting place at Stockmans Lane, it has emerged. 

Maurice Minor (47) eventually set off on the journey this morning after countless attempts to start the shite heap.

Stockmans Lane has become a ‘Valhalla’ for shitty old scrappers hoping to cause one final traffic disruption before spending eternity in automotive paradise.

Speaking from his broken down vehicle in the middle of a traffic jam, Maurice told us:

‘I just had a wee feeling this morning that the arse was about to fall out of her’.

‘So I thought I’d give her a fitting send off by letting her cause some major traffic disruption at Stockmans Lane’.

‘Sure enough, we’d just passed the turn off for Boucher when the wee motor absolutely shit itself’.

Commuters caught behind the broken down vehicle paid their respects by observing a full two minutes of blasting their horns and hurling insults at Mr Minor.

Office worker Martine Aston (39) has been late for work every day for the past eleven years due to traffic disruption at Stockmans Lane.

She said: ‘The motor got a lovely wee send off, so it did’.

‘I could see the eyes of every road user bulging with rage as they wound down their windows to call Mr Minor a fucking wanker’. It was very moving’.

PSNI Traffic Watch would encourage anyone with a shitty old car to make their way toward Stockmans Lane immediately.

A spokesman said: ‘We advise all owners of vehicles which aren’t roadworthy, particular those who suspect engine failure is imminent, to get their holes to Stockmans Lane at their earliest convenience’.

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