Man’s testicles explode after using Original Source shower gel

A Dundonald man was rushed to the Ulster Hospital after lathering his genitals in Mint & Tea Tree Original Source shower gel, it has emerged.

Joe McMelter (37) suffered life-changing injuries when his testicles spontaneously combusted upon applying the product.

Speaking like a choir boy from his hospital bed, Joe recalled the precise moment he knew something had gone awry:

‘My Helen bought this new shower gel in B&M which she said smelt lovely and minty’.

‘So I pops in the shower this morning and lifts the bottle of Tingly Mint & Tea Tree’.

‘I do the usual, ya know, the bake, the pits, which was dead on’.

‘Then I made the biggest mistake of my life by slapping a handful on my ballix’.

‘Fucking tingly? It felt like I dipped my swingers in a bucket of Hydrofluoric Acid’.

Joe’s wife, Helen, was getting herself ready for work when she heard Joe’s effeminate screams followed by two large explosions.

‘When I heard my Joe’s screams I thought the big Ginny Ann saw another spider or sumthin’.

‘But then I heard a beng, then another beng’.

‘Next thing my Joe staggers out of the bathroom cupping what looks like two burst balloons in his hand’.

‘Then I realised his ballix were ballixed’.

Dr Steph O’Scope of the Specialist Drama Unit tried in vain to save Joe’s balls. She told us:

‘He will never father any children. On the plus side, he’ll have countless unbroken sleeps and save a fortune at Christmas’.

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