GP receptionists with more than 6-weeks experience are to be given frontline NHS jobs in a bid to ease the strain on the health service, it has emerged.
The move was announced by the Secretary of State for Health Matt Hancock following a string of recommendations from patients across the UK.
Many patients have been spared the bother of a proper medical examination, instead being cross-examined by a nosy receptionist who loudly discusses their ailments with Quality Street-chomping colleagues.
After reviewing the very personal details of the person’s medical complaint within earshot of other eavesdropping patients, the receptionist, usually called Betty, will deliver her own diagnosis.
Suitably embarrassed, the patient will then exit the clinic to die at home from the untreated condition.
Making the announcement this morning, Matt Hancock said:
‘Things like X-rays, blood and urine samples will be a thing of the past’.
‘I think we can all save some precious time and of course, money, if you just divulge every intimate detail to the receptionist in front of a packed waiting room and just let her tell you what she thinks is wrong with you’.
When pressed on whether it was wise to allow a woman who wouldn’t have the medical background to squeeze a pimple to diagnose people who may have terminal illnesses, Hancock said:
‘Just tell Betty all about that rash on your dick and fuck up mate’.