Study finds putting your child to bed at 8pm night before school re-start after 5 months of staying up til 12pm ‘fucking pointless’

A groundbreaking new study compiled by Dundonald Looniversity has found that children who’ve spent the past 5 months sitting up til 12pm are refusing to sleep at 8pm now.

100 test subjects experienced a 0% success rate while forcing a wide awake child to sleep the night before they re-started school.

The findings were in stark contrast to the original predictions of a WhatsApp group entitled ‘Dundanal School Mas’.

Head of Ridiculous Studies at Dundonald Looniversity, Dr Brian Surgeoner told us:

‘Having been allowed to do whatever the fuck they like by weary disinterested parents since March, it would appear the children have zero concept of time’.

‘It’s quite possible they’ve regressed back to the newborn stage and just get up and go bed whenever it fucking suits them’.

Dr Surgeoner revealed some of the most common responses when children were informed of their new 8pm curfew:

‘I’m thirsty; it’s still bright outside and fuck off I’m on my iPad, were the main responses’.

Meanwhile, Dundanal School Mas WhatsApp group founder, prominent PTA member and organiser of the teacher’s end-of-term present, Helen McMelter was skeptical of the findings.

‘I’ve had my 6 in bed from 7 and there hasn’t been a peep outta them’, she said while nailing planks across her children’s bedroom doors.

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