NI Education Minister Peter Weir has confirmed 2020’s School Sports Day will be held behind closed doors although viewers will be given the option of an interactive crowd noise.
TV cameras will broadcast our primary school’s prestigious annual sporting event and across all of them, you can enjoy the new ‘Mas & Das Crowd Feature’.
EA SPORTS have created a range of bespoke and child-specific crowd noises and chants to bring the vitriolic atmosphere of Sports Day directly to your living room.
Viewers can choose between the crowd sound, which includes pyjama-clad women screaming ‘commmmmme owwwwan’, or stadium noise, which allows us to hear the shrieks and giggles of hundreds of children doing fuck all they’re told.
The news was welcomed by parents across the province who thought the opportunity to yell and run down other people’s children had evaded them this year.
‘It means I can stay in my house jammies and I don’t have to stick on my going out jammies’, said mother-of-three Helen McMelter.
‘And I can call our Zayn a useless wee cunt when he drops the egg without any disparaging looks from the snobby buckbegs in their active wear’.
Meanwhile, Helen’s son Zayn was relieved that this year’s event would be held behind closed doors.
Each year Zayn’s father, Joe, enters the parent’s race hoping to exorcise the demons of his own failed athletics career which never really existed.
He explained: ‘If it’s not that false bitch waving at me like I’ve just came home from a tour of Afghanistan, it’s my da making a cunt out of himself in the mas & das race’.
‘He only won last year cos he got the fella who came 1st disqualified for being registered disabled ‘n claiming the heap’.