‘Summer f**king ruined’ confirms Barra Best

Barra Best, the world’s sexiest bald ginger person, has confirmed that summer in Northern Ireland has been officially fucking ruined. 

Best made the announcement outside Belfast City Hall as the pouring rain bounced off his hairless cranium.

The smouldering hunk told the drenched inhabitants of Northern Ireland to brace themselves for some incredibly shite weather that will inevitably ruin any future plans.

‘Each day will start the same’, explains Best, while shooing some local fanny with this umbrella.

‘As you lie in bed contemplating the purpose of life, your soundtrack will be the sound of torrential rain pelting against the window’

‘As you make your way to work you’ll experience so many shifts in the weather you may believe the end of the world is imminent’

‘Upon exiting your vehicle, you’ll be battered about any exposed areas of flesh with atmospheric water falling from the skies at speeds of up to 115mph’.

‘You’ll then spend the remainder of the day in soaking trousers while dreading the onset of haemorrhoids’.

This week’s offer from Fletcher Meats

Meanwhile, it’s understood NI Water are still considering a hosepipe ban.

‘Anyone who’s fed up touting on their neighbours for breaching lockdown restrictions should now focus their attention on anyone they suspect of irregular hosepipe usage’.

‘This might include anyone filling their lazy spas or bare-bellied men aimlessly hosing their driveways’.

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