Home schooled pupil puts in transfer request for different school

A Dundonald child has requested a transfer after growing tiresome of her parent’s attempts at home-schooling.

Like the majority of pupils, little Lucy McMelter has not been able to attend school since March.

As a result, Lucy and others like her have been under the tutelage of their unqualified wine-swilling parents.

Subjected to months of half-arsed school lessons, Lucy decided to safeguard her future by taking matters into her own little hands.

The 6-year-old unicorn enthusiast wrote to the education board demanding that she be moved to a different home-school immediately.

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‘In my experience, school lessons begin at 9am, sharp. However, my new ‘teacher’, and I use that term loosely, can’t drag her lazy arse out of bed before 10.30am’.

‘In all my years as a student, I’ve yet to encounter a teacher who deems a housecoat appropriate teaching attire’.

‘Furthermore, how many bottles of Pinot Grigio is a teacher allowed to consume before lunchtime? If it’s two, I feel it’s too many’.

‘My teacher’s methods are almost as questionable as their morals and I would request that both myself and my 4-year-old brother, Riley, are transferred to a different school with immediate effect’.

In an amazing twist, both Lucy’s parents support the transfer request.

‘The last parent teacher interview was spot on. They’re both wee bastards’, they claimed.

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