Dundonald woman sweats her diddies off

A Dundonald woman was rushed to hospital this afternoon after her breasts melted into two puddles of sweat. 

Mrs McQuitty (42) complained to family members that she was ‘absolutely sweltered’ as temperatures across the province soared to 19 degrees.

McQuitty, who was particularly well-endowed in the chest department, was rushed to the Ulster Hospital after both breasts totally dissolved in the baking heat.

Speaking from her bed in the Specialist Drama Unit, Mrs McQuitty told us:

‘The heat was parfil and with baps thon size, I just couldn’t be coping’.

‘I stuck on a wee vest tap this morning thinking it’d stap me sweatin’ like Josef Fritzl on MTV Cribs’.

‘But then our Rhianna told me to go up ‘n stick a t-shirt on coz her wee mates were calling and she was pure scundered about the Tweedie Pie tattoo at the tap of my arm’.

‘So I went out the back and the next thing I luks down ‘n there’s two big sweat rings under my diddies’.

Up visiting Mrs McQuitty was her Transgender friend, Betty Swallox, who knows only too well about the dangers of sweat related injuries.

‘Aye, I sweated my balls off last year, so I did. To be fair though, it saved me spending two years on an NHS waiting list’.

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