Furloughed Dundonald piss-artist lobbies council for extra recycle box

A renowned local piss-artist has lobbied Lisburn & Castlereagh City Council for an additional recycle box after his existing box was filled to capacity two days after collection. 

Joe McMelter was placed on furlough leave several weeks ago and has noticed that one recycle box for jars & bottles is insufficient.

The 38-year-old revealed how the council’s existing BOX 3 can only hold a measly 40 wine bottles or 125 beer bottles at one particular time.

‘It’s totally unfit for purpose’, moaned Joe, while struggling to ram an empty Prosecco bottle into an already bulging recycle box.

‘I’ve been onto them this morning again, demanding they supply an additional BOX 3’.

‘It’s the really heavy drinkers I feel sorry for’.

‘They must’ve resorted to all sorts of underhanded tactics by now, like sneaking a few vodka bottles into the bottom of the black and brown bins or waiting til it’s pitch black and sticking a few in the neighbour’s bin’, said Joe, while sheepishly waving at his next door neighbour, Karen.

‘But not me, I’ll go down the proper channels to battle this impingement upon my rights’, he added.

Meanwhile, Joe’s bin men Sammy and Frank, who love to shout across Joe’s street to another when making their collections at 7.05am on Tuesday, argue he should check into the Betty Ford clinic instead.

‘Giving that alco glue-beg another recycle box is like trying to tackle obesity with an all-you-can-eat buffet’, guldered Frank from the top of the street.

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