‘Business as usual’ insist Barry’s Amusements

The owners of Barry’s Amusements have announced they will be open for business as usual across the 2020 season, despite the imminent thread posed by the Covid-19 virus.

Prime minister Boris Johnson is chairing an emergency Cobra meeting this morning to decide whether to bring in measures to delay the spread of coronavirus in the UK.

There had been growing concerns here that “social distancing” measures could prevent people from riding the Big Dipper this summer.

A statement released on behalf of the owners said:

‘Never mind the aul Kung Flu, Barry’s will be open for business throughout Easter and the summer months’.

However, the famous old amusement park will be taking extra precautions to alleviate any public concerns.

‘We’ve drained all the water out of the Turtle Splash ride and replaced it with hand sanitizer’.

‘We’ve taken all the ghouls and witches out of the Ghost Train and replaced them with actors pretending to be Covid-19 sufferers who will shouting out advice on how to avoid contracting the virus’.

‘Hazmat suits are available to buy at the gift shop. £12.99 for adults and £7.99 for children’.

The news was welcomed by local holidaymakers who descend upon the coastal town each summer.

‘Lotta aul scaremongering ballix, so it is’, said 19-year-old father-of-eight ‘Basher’ Magee.

‘It’s all a big conspiracy contrived by the lizard folk who really run this planet’, he claimed while toking on a hefty joint.

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