Belfast couple f**k Elf in the bin after just 4 days

A lazy East Belfast couple abandoned their Elf duties after just 4 DAYS, it has emerged.

Despite being only few days into the month long Facebook spectacle, local pair Chris and Christine Kringle threw their children’s ‘Elf on the Shelf’ in the wheelie bin.

‘I’m sick of the sight of that creepy-looking, pointy-hatted, rosy-cheeked little f**ker’, moaned Chris.

‘’Oh, look how f**king creative and imaginative we are’’. It’s just another Facebook cock-measuring contest – like Halloween and bonfires’.

‘The past three nights we’d just got into bed, next thing she’s jumping out of it and away down the stairs cos she ‘forgot to do the Elf’’.

‘Never mind Elf on a Shelf. What about a ride with my bride?’, quizzed Chris.

Meanwhile, Christine admits she regretted bringing the Elf down from the roof space inside 24 hours.

She said: ‘Maybe Chris was right. Trying to come up with a fresh original idea every night is a right pain in the ovaries’.

‘I might just give the kids some bullshit excuse about not wanting them to think they’re under surveillance or that they shouldn’t focus their lives around materialistic goals’.

‘Either that or just tell them the Elf, Santa and Christmas is all one big f**king lie’.

However, the dumped Elf has a cunning plan to get even with the perfunctory pathetic parents.

‘Maybe I should start reporting back to Santa what Chris and Christine are up to instead of the kids?’.

‘Chris’s Pornhub usage is up 20% on last year and Christine’s necking a glass of wine before the school run’.

‘Then we’ll see who’s on the f**king naughty list?’.


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