All Eurospar shops in the United Kingdom will be downgraded to simply ‘Spar’ in the wake of the latest Brexit talks, according to reports.
EU officials this morning confirmed the popular food retail stores will lose their ‘Euro’ status as soon as the UK government figures out a fucking way of actually leaving.
Theresa May will meet Jeremy Corbyn later to see whether there is common ground to break the Brexit deadlock and special statuses for Spars is thought to be top of the agenda.
‘The original solution, agreed to by the E.U., was to declare Eurospars a special status area’, explained Brexit secretary Stephen Barclay.
‘But this was defeated in parliament. So, we asked for an extension and then submitted the same fucking proposal twice and lo and behold, it was defeated again’.
‘So it looks as though all your fancy Eurospars with their new deli counters and post offices will be downgraded to shitty old Spars as soon as we leave. Eventually’.
The news sparked panic and confusion as regular visitors to the convenience stores were unsure which goods would and would not be available in the wake of Brexit.
‘What about the fresh coffee and croissants? Or the Dr Oetker frozen pizzas?’, Alliance-voting Ethel Marblemouth inquired.
‘What’s the craic like, can ye still do the Euromillions?’, Big Basher Brown demanded to know.
‘Am fuckin lost with all this Brexit shite t’be hanest with ye’. A mean, is that why they stapped showin Eurotrash on the TV?’
‘I used t’pull the plums clean aff maself watching that when I was 13’, he recalled, while restraining a small muscular dog on the end of a length of washing line.