Time Team believe King Billy may have taken the first ever Ecstasy tablet at a bonfire

Time Team returns to our screens for a one-off special in July as Tony Robinson and his team excavate the site of what they believe to be Ireland’s first ever ‘boney night’. 

The crack team of archaeologists visited the hills of County Antrim, where bonfires were lit to help ships navigate through Belfast Lough at night during the Williamite War in Ireland (1689-91).

It was during a dig the team unearthed a site, which they claim, hosted the first ever ‘boney night’ in Ireland’s history.

Among the items recovered during the initial stages of the excavation were: the preserved remains of a charred wooden pallet; a three litre goblet of cider and a used 17th Century condom.

‘This is definitely Stuart era’, said an archaeologist in a thick Cornish accent whilst holding the condom aloft.

‘Oh arr, a Williamite supporter was doing a quare bit of bucking at this bonfire site’, he added.

The discovery of these items sent a ripple of excitement through the camp but nothing could have prepared them for what happened next.

As the team delved deeper, they made a startling discovery and a long black curly periwig was hauled from beneath the dirt.

‘Could this be the wig of Prince William of Orange himself?’, exclaimed Tony Robinson.

The hairpiece was immediately whisked away to a laboratory and skin cells found inside the wig indeed matched those of William III.

But the tests revealed even more astonishing results.

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‘Scientists believe that William may have taken the first ever Ecstasy tablet at a bonfire’, announced Robinson.

‘It’s likely the Williamite army brought some Dutch MDMA to Ireland with them’, he explained.

‘The drugs along with some drum and base on the Lambegs could well have sparked Ireland’s first ever 11th night wing-ding’, concluded Robinson.

The excavation brought scores of nosy bastards who live in the surrounding area flooding to the site.

We asked local man, Basher Brown, what he thought about the historical findings.

‘I came straight here cos some cunt on Facebook said the Sydenham Time Team were lukin’ a dig’, said Basher whilst swigging from a tin of Harp.

‘Then someone told me they were archaeologists and they explained they dig up things from the past. I said ‘sounds like my ex-missus’.

And what did he make of the revelation that Prince William may have taken Ireland’s first Ecstasy tablet at a bonfire?

‘Sure he wudden be the first fella called William to throw an aul bumble down the neck at the boney, wud he nai?’, scoffed Basher.

‘And who the fuck’s Prince William anyway? Thought they said the fuckin’ wig belonged to King Billy?’, he quizzed.

‘Free Tony Robinson’, he concluded.


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