PSNI officer receives vibrating bullet in the post


PSNI officer Bobby Singleton is reportedly ‘shaken’ after receiving a vibrating bullet in the post.

Singleton made the grizzly discovery this morning when he opened a package sent to his swanky bachelor pad.

The item was then taken away for extensive testing by a female colleague of his.

It’s the latest in a series of incidents which have left the smouldering handsome brute fearing for his safety.

Singleton became an object of desire for many sex-starved women across the province, after click-bait news sites and the PSNI would upload pics of his beautiful face on slow news days.

Underneath these posts, women and sometimes men, would shamelessly describe in graphic detail how much they’d like to make love to Bobby.

‘Ya can lift me any day big lawd’, wrote one married mother-of-three.

‘I’ve gat some swollen goods here you can luk at’, wrote another who later described her vagina as ‘eating the leg clean aff’ her.

Though seemingly harmless to begin with, the move backfired when some women began confessing to crimes they didn’t commit in the hopes of being arrested by Singleton.

‘We’d some wee doll in here the other morning saying she shot JFK’, explained Chief Constable George Hamilton

‘But she was born in 1992’.

‘I asked her if she’d ever even been to Texas and she said: ‘Na, my da said it closed down years ago’.

Only last week Singleton was pounced upon by a baying mob of women after he opened his front door wearing only a bathrobe.

Following the attack, the Detective Superintendent underwent a complicated 4-hour procedure at the Royal Victoria Hospital where he had up to a dozen acrylic nails removed from his scrotum.

After the latest incident, Chief Constable George Hamilton has ordered Singleton to bare additional arms.

‘I’ve given Bobby two batons’, explained Hamilton.

‘One to uphold the law and the other for beating away all the fanny’.

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