Court pardons woman who suffocated her snoring husband

A Dundonald woman walked free from court this morning after suffocating her snoring husband, it has emerged.

Kate Suffolk (42), who plead not guilty in Newtownards Magistrates Court this morning, wept as the judge read out the not guilty verdict.

Before proceedings began, Mrs Suffolk told assembled journalists her defence was confident of securing a verdict of ‘justifiable snoricide’.

A report from the prosecution states Mrs Suffolk held a plump goose feather pillow over her sleeping husband’s face because ‘the bastard was snoring like a bear’.

It took the all-female jury a whole two minutes to reach the unanimous verdict which was read out to a packed gallery of Mrs Suffolk’s supporters.

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The defence argued that Mrs Suffolk’s actions were thoroughly justified given her husband’s snoring had been amplified by a head cold and also the fact he’d been drinking heavily.

The jury heard how Mrs Suffolk describe her husband’s snoring as being so loud, ‘it sounded like he’d a buzzsaw lodged in his fucking throat’.

The defence went onto describe the various methods Mrs Suffolk used to rouse her husband including: slapping his face; punching him between the shoulder blades and raking her nails across his genitals.

Mrs Suffolk’s solicitor told the jury, ‘While unfortunate that an unsuspecting drunken man had lost his life, in all fairness, I think we’d all agree the selfish big fucker had it coming?’.

After reading out her verdict, the female judge told the court, ‘I feel I must make an example by allowing this woman to walk free this morning’.

However, many men are fearful the landmark case could set a dangerous precedent.

Recovering snore-oholic, Gavin Zeds argued, ‘Why don’t they just sleep on the sofa? That’s what I’ve to after a two-day bender?’.

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